LOST

Charlie questions whether Desmond has had another "flash" foreshadowing his death when coaxed into joining a trek across the jungle, and jealousy motivates Kate to turn to an unsuspecting Sawyer. BRILLIANT EPISODE, just ask my father-in-law, he's a huge fan and researches message boards to get the inside scoop. So, who was hanging from the tree and do you think the person changed because Desmond altered the course of events? Hmmmmmm. LOVE IT

Lost!

Can't wait for tonight. I love the love triangles that are unfolding back at camp--and the fact that Sawyer buried two people alive. Do you think that will raise the eyebrows of the others and they'll have it in for Sawyer?

Desperate

Desperate gratuitous use of bras and panties to pull the audience in. I'm pretty sure every female cast member, and one man for good measure, got down to their skivies last night. Desperate.

The Bachelor!

I can't even begin to tell you how happy I was to see the crazy girl from Lawrence, Kansas go home. Omigosh! Talk about debunking the myth that Midwest girls were nice and wholesome! The bachelor was alright looking, kind of reminds me of an emaciated Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell, but he seems like a nice guy and I love the fact that he was nerdy enough to like the Star Spangled Banner solo, so weird.

It's going to be a good season!

American Idol

"American Idol" might not exactly qualify as art, but it sure does a good job of imitating life. In a world of hanging chads and voting machines, it was only a matter of time before the television juggernaut endured its first voting manipulation controversy. There are rumblings that this season's edition of "American Idol" is being gamed in favor of 16-year-old contestant Sanjaya Malakar. No one is saying the show's producers are using the butcher's thumb in favor of the modestly talented Malakar (watch him perform here) -- in fact, he's received only lukewarm praise from Randy, Paula and Simon -- but the idea has been floated that a subversive campaign led by Howard Stern and block voting from Indian call centers are reasons why this less than stellar contestant has been able to keep making the cut.

Grey's Anatomy

Shonda is apparently running out of ideas, because she shoves inappropriate sexual relationships down our throats twice in one episode. First, we discover that Cristina had a long-term thing going on with one of her med school professors -- and he just happens to be a candidate for Chief of Surgery. And then at the end of the episode, George and Izzie have drunken sex. Yes, that's right, George and Izzie. In other news, Derek performs a risky but ultimately successful surgery on a friend, Crush undergoes a risky but ultimately successful surgery on her eye, and we learn that Callie is rich. Super rich. But anything good is outweighed by the bad and very wrong sex.

Lost

It's Claire's day on Flashback Island and boy is it a doozy! Not only do we find out that she put her mother in a coma and that she is Jack's half-sister (oh Jesus, no!), but we find out that she had BLACK HAIR. Oh my god! How did she ever get the dye out? The mysteries on this show never end.

Aside from all the shocking revelations, a flock of migratory birds give Claire hopes for rescue. Desmond blunders around some more trying to save Charlie from Certain Doom, not realizing Charlie has figured out that facing Certain Doom is an even bigger turn-on for the chicks then being a washed-up rock star. Chuck, Sawyer could have told you that three weeks ago.

Meanwhile, Kate, Sayid, Locke, and Rousseau continue their trek to rescue Jack at The Barracks. On the way they pepper their Other prisoner with questions, hoping he will forget that he hates them long enough to reveal a few answers. Since the prisoner is not a complete idiot and this show is what it is, most of his answers are more questions, but many of his questions hint at answers, and many of the hints seem to implicate Locke. Wait, I forget what the question was. Whatever it was, it seems that the answer is definitely Locke. If Locke is who he says he is or what he says he's not or doesn't know what they think he knows. Or something like that.
And in case you were wondering how Sawyer would manage to survive an entire week without a single nickname? By burying his head in Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead for the entire episode! What will happen next on this wacky island?

Lost

Enter 77
The Happy Campers of Camp Craphole hit the beach with the remains of the ping-pong table from the hatch. They have everything but the ball. Who has the ball? Sawyer, of course. He challenges the entire Island to a ping-pong competition in order to reclaim his stash of stolen merchandise and back issues of Guns and Ammo. Do the other Lostaways agree? Of course they do! What the heck else do they have to do on this Island? Nothing!

Except maybe go save the doctor, who would be a really handy person to have around, considering the Lostaways' propensity to get shot, tip planes over, blow shit up, get caught in tree traps…but I digress.

Meanwhile, Kate, Locke, Sayid, and Rousseau are in hot pursuit of all things Other, and hit the jackpot when they find the one-eyed man you may remember from a mere three episodes ago. What continuity! Go writers go! The One-Eyed Man claims he is the last surviving member of the Dharma Initiative, and has run this communication station since leaving the Soviet Army and answering a classified ad. Sayid doesn't believe him, and in a series of flashbacks we delve into his trust issues. Kate almost gets beat down by a stray Other, while Locke is so busy playing computer chess, he has no idea what is going on. Guess we know what he's been missing most! (No, not his kidney. Good guess, though.) It's too bad for the Lostaways that he's so darn good at chess.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Camera pans slowly down the beach, capturing the waves breaking over the distant rocks. The sun is low in the sky, casting shadows. Sawyer is walking alone down the beach. His pants are rolled to the knees as the waves splash on his bare feet. His hair is long, and when the wind gently blows it back we see a lone tear making its way down his rugged cheek. A single rose dangles from his fingers, the petals drifting slowly behind leaving a trail on the sand. He spies a crowd making their way out of the jungle. He looks up, momentarily hopeful, but a quick glance through the group does not reveal the face of his beloved. He continues his lonely walk. Oh, Sawyer. What will fix your achy breaky heart? Oh yes, of course -- a ping-pong competition.
The Losties wander out of the jungle carrying pieces of the ping-pong table from the hatch. Hurley informs Sawyer that Jin found it in the woods. They made legs for it, and paddles. They just don't have a ball. They made legs and paddles before they had a ball? Isn't the ball the whole point? And did anyone play ping-pong when it was in the hatch?

Or were Jack and Locke keeping the pingy-pongy goodness all for themselves? Hurley tells Sawyer that the table must have landed in the jungle after the hatch exploded. Sawyer and I look confused. I thought the hatch im-ploded, we say in unison. Hurley looks at us like we're the ones with suicidal invisible friends: "I don't know, dude. All I know is the sky turned purple and now I don't ask questions. I just fix myself a salad and move on." Ooh, Zen and the Art of Island Living. Sawyer snarks, I see that's working for you. Because Hurley is fat and Sawyer is sarcastic.

Glad we got that established. Sawyer asks if Hurley has seen Kate. Hurley shrugs and says, "Kate? She's not back yet? Huh. Glad to see that's working for you, Sawyer. " Okay, that was me. Sawyer then catches on that the New Guy (I know, I know, his name is Paolo, but I'm not going to go and get all attached and learn his name just so that he can killed off like the walking collateral damage that he is) is walking to the can with his copy of Guns and Ammo. New Guy gets very huffy, because no one wants his bathroom reading called out, and says, we share stuff now. Sawyer pulls a soapbox out of his stash, climbs up on it, and starts hollering about how everyone stole his merchandise when they thought he was dead. But he is not dead and he wants his stuff back. New Guy gets snooty and says fine, keep it. But Sawyer isn't interested in New Guy's leftover bathroom reading, and storms off down the beach.

Locke, Kate, and Sayid are cutting a path through the jungle arguing about directions and hiking in circles and whether they should be following a compass bearing written on a priestly whackjob's beatin' stick. Locke has no problem with this. And since it's his bearing, he's keeping it. Sayid rolls his eyes and says his going to find some food and then hopefully then can have a "rational" conversation about their next move. Oh, Sayid -- did you forget what island you were on? This island scoffs at rational. This island makes mincemeat out of rational. Speaking of mincemeat, is that a cow? It is a cow! It's a cow that lives on a farm. Hey, Kate! Locke! Sayid found a farm! And Patch Adams runs it. With a palomino. Why not? "Home Home on the Craphole Range."

I *LOVE* NY!

So, 12-pack used to dance at a gay club, is going to be HUGE in NJ, and thought his x-girl was simultaneously repulsive, out to get him and then once he was ousted from the house, he thought she was lookin' good and couldn't wait to hook up with him. I LOVE NJ!!!

LOST RECAP

Tricia Tanaka is Dead

When Kate and Sawyer stumble back to camp, it's a happy reunion on Craphole Island. And what better way to celebrate than with a warm can of Official Dharma Corporation Light Beer? Luckily for the manly men of the Island, Hurley has found a magic van chockfull of the stuff! Just ignore the dead guy in the driver's seat and let the magic bus take you on a mystical flashback to when Hurley was young and Cheech was his dad. Sit back and relax while you chug that hot American-style lite lager and follow Hurley through a re-telling of all his past miseries. (His grandpa dies! His house catches on fire! His recently purchased Chicken Shack gets hit by a meteorite! Cheech is doing his mom!!) But Hurley won't let this get him down. He is gaining some perspective, man, ain't nothing gonna slow him down, oh no, not with the magic bus around. He's going to make his own luck now. He's going to break this curse. Yeah, hot beer totally solves everything. Especially after you drink twelve cans of it.

Kate meanwhile has apparently made off with all the cojones for the entire Island and gone off in search the help she needs to go after Jack. Wait. Who? Jack? Who is this Jack you speak of? There ain't no Jack in this episode. I guess even the writers are tired of him.

Oh, and Vincent? Bad dog! No biscuit.

Anna Nicole Coverage

Did anyone follow the crazy court room scene? Kidding, I know everyone did. Am I the only one who thinks he looks like Fonzi?

Back to it | I LOVE NY

Ok, so why would she keep a guy around, Mr. Boston, as long as she did who DOUBLE PICKS his nose? OMG. My husband--yes, I got him to watch it too--and I were laughing so hard. The picture on the side is courtesy of "Mr. Boston's" MySpace page. I think the girls scared he's going to wipe a boog on her. Gross!

Greys Dead?

It's the filler middle in our three-episode sandwich. Izzie drills a hole in her patient's skull to relieve the pressure on his brain, thereby becoming a neurological rock star. George wanders around looking for his patient's son (because he told her that her son was found and doing well). He eventually finds the son on Callie's operating table. Alex realizes that the best way to help worried family members identify their loved ones is to take pictures of all the patients and corpses from the ferryboat accident and post them on the bulletin board. And Cristina wanders around, doing nothing much except asking where Meredith is. The answer to that question is "bobbing around in the water." That is, until Derek notices Meredith's jacket draped across a patient and asks creepy silent Mini-Meredith where she is. He dives in and saves Meredith, but she's hypothermic, not breathing, and very possibly dead. Yikes.

Grammys

WHAT was the deal with JT holding the hand-held camera up to his nostrils? I'm sorry, but even he cannot bring nose hair back! Ick. Other lame productions was the collaboration with John Mayer. Boooo.

In happy news! I love New York is on tonight, WOOT! Tonight's episode has tardo judging her bevy of uggos and degenerate contestants as they try to impress New York with their hoops skills.

American Idol

I was expecting a little more from last night's show, not repeats of the ridics they've already had on! Booooooo! I did love the bush baby dancing though, and his chubby little friend. Did anyone see them at the Super Bowl? I still don't think superbowl tickets were enough compensation for being called a Bush Baby on national television. Whatev.

By the way, if you don't consider this trashy TV, you live in your car.

Bad Girls Club

I'm so embarassed, no I'm not, I'm SO excited for the new episode of Bad Girls Club tonight! Mean girl who was in prison and is questioning her very being and whether or not she wants to be with her boyfriend is going to mixing it up with Aimee tonight! Woot! Oh, and it's the season finale of Campus Ladies, but that's not trash! ( : It's family entertainment.

I LOVE New York

Ok, we're several epidsodes in and is anyone convinced that Tiffany, aka New York, was much more entertaining on Flava of Love? She's def. not as crazy as she was in a house full of women. I'm a little disappointed at how well she behaves when she seemingly has control. Boo.