Lost

Enter 77
The Happy Campers of Camp Craphole hit the beach with the remains of the ping-pong table from the hatch. They have everything but the ball. Who has the ball? Sawyer, of course. He challenges the entire Island to a ping-pong competition in order to reclaim his stash of stolen merchandise and back issues of Guns and Ammo. Do the other Lostaways agree? Of course they do! What the heck else do they have to do on this Island? Nothing!

Except maybe go save the doctor, who would be a really handy person to have around, considering the Lostaways' propensity to get shot, tip planes over, blow shit up, get caught in tree traps…but I digress.

Meanwhile, Kate, Locke, Sayid, and Rousseau are in hot pursuit of all things Other, and hit the jackpot when they find the one-eyed man you may remember from a mere three episodes ago. What continuity! Go writers go! The One-Eyed Man claims he is the last surviving member of the Dharma Initiative, and has run this communication station since leaving the Soviet Army and answering a classified ad. Sayid doesn't believe him, and in a series of flashbacks we delve into his trust issues. Kate almost gets beat down by a stray Other, while Locke is so busy playing computer chess, he has no idea what is going on. Guess we know what he's been missing most! (No, not his kidney. Good guess, though.) It's too bad for the Lostaways that he's so darn good at chess.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Camera pans slowly down the beach, capturing the waves breaking over the distant rocks. The sun is low in the sky, casting shadows. Sawyer is walking alone down the beach. His pants are rolled to the knees as the waves splash on his bare feet. His hair is long, and when the wind gently blows it back we see a lone tear making its way down his rugged cheek. A single rose dangles from his fingers, the petals drifting slowly behind leaving a trail on the sand. He spies a crowd making their way out of the jungle. He looks up, momentarily hopeful, but a quick glance through the group does not reveal the face of his beloved. He continues his lonely walk. Oh, Sawyer. What will fix your achy breaky heart? Oh yes, of course -- a ping-pong competition.
The Losties wander out of the jungle carrying pieces of the ping-pong table from the hatch. Hurley informs Sawyer that Jin found it in the woods. They made legs for it, and paddles. They just don't have a ball. They made legs and paddles before they had a ball? Isn't the ball the whole point? And did anyone play ping-pong when it was in the hatch?

Or were Jack and Locke keeping the pingy-pongy goodness all for themselves? Hurley tells Sawyer that the table must have landed in the jungle after the hatch exploded. Sawyer and I look confused. I thought the hatch im-ploded, we say in unison. Hurley looks at us like we're the ones with suicidal invisible friends: "I don't know, dude. All I know is the sky turned purple and now I don't ask questions. I just fix myself a salad and move on." Ooh, Zen and the Art of Island Living. Sawyer snarks, I see that's working for you. Because Hurley is fat and Sawyer is sarcastic.

Glad we got that established. Sawyer asks if Hurley has seen Kate. Hurley shrugs and says, "Kate? She's not back yet? Huh. Glad to see that's working for you, Sawyer. " Okay, that was me. Sawyer then catches on that the New Guy (I know, I know, his name is Paolo, but I'm not going to go and get all attached and learn his name just so that he can killed off like the walking collateral damage that he is) is walking to the can with his copy of Guns and Ammo. New Guy gets very huffy, because no one wants his bathroom reading called out, and says, we share stuff now. Sawyer pulls a soapbox out of his stash, climbs up on it, and starts hollering about how everyone stole his merchandise when they thought he was dead. But he is not dead and he wants his stuff back. New Guy gets snooty and says fine, keep it. But Sawyer isn't interested in New Guy's leftover bathroom reading, and storms off down the beach.

Locke, Kate, and Sayid are cutting a path through the jungle arguing about directions and hiking in circles and whether they should be following a compass bearing written on a priestly whackjob's beatin' stick. Locke has no problem with this. And since it's his bearing, he's keeping it. Sayid rolls his eyes and says his going to find some food and then hopefully then can have a "rational" conversation about their next move. Oh, Sayid -- did you forget what island you were on? This island scoffs at rational. This island makes mincemeat out of rational. Speaking of mincemeat, is that a cow? It is a cow! It's a cow that lives on a farm. Hey, Kate! Locke! Sayid found a farm! And Patch Adams runs it. With a palomino. Why not? "Home Home on the Craphole Range."